“Bara Holotova: From Nada to Prada” on The Style Con

Screen-shot-2014-03-24-at-12.35.35-PM

Czech model Bara Holotova has one of those faces that you don’t have to do anything to—there’s no need for much maintenance beyond maybe a smear of Chapstick and a flick of Maybelline. Her cheekbones do the talking. I mean, you could keep change in those gorgeous little hollows. Still fresh into her teens, Bara started off in 2007, a pretty little Lolita with a wicked pout and porcelain skin. If Anna Paquin, Behati Prinsloo, and Lara Stone had a baby (if only!), it would be Bara. And so our little supermodel/superactress hybrid has been doing the rounds for the last few years, switching up her hair like most people change their pants. Just because you don’t technically need to do anything with a face like that, doesn’t mean agencies aren’t going to want to bleach, chop, and shred your hair into the 8th dimension on the off chance you might finally book, you know, Prada.

Click here to read more.

 

Standard

“Drew Innis: Dirty Thirty” on The Style Con

NREN7e1R8h7KFvuY4Vn_yLiHpZaXTqzD8o3XzrW0e0gkB2ZlgSf0YMskGGm7miAa6xWQ8G9okNiGtfzqviI-P4

Picklebacks. Bowling balls. Unicorn balloons. Someone over at The Style Con turned thirty this weekend and Brooklyn photographer Drew Innis was there to document the occasion. And for all you kids out there born in the ’90s wondering who’s aging faster than Father Time over here, we’re not telling… no matter how loud you beg.

Click here to see more.

Standard

“Maybe She’s Born With It, Maybe It’s Drug Addiction: A Beauty Guide!” on The Style Con

Boots-17-makeup-1024x631The following is an excerpt from my regular column “Maybe She’s Born With It, Maybe It’s Drug Addiction” as seen on The Style Con:

Back when I lived in Los Angeles and I was absolutely 150% positive I was going to be a famous actress, I did what every other girl who thinks she’s going to famous does: I enrolled in acting class. [Note: A lot of girls who think they’re going to be famous actresses simply stop wearing panties under their knockoff Herve Leger and start doling out BJs. Acting class is technically optional. Do whatever is best for you.] So began my foray into feeling regularly uncomfortable standing up in front of a room of people sitting in the dark, all of whom watched on carefully to see if I was capable of emoting like a Real Live Girl. The results were hit or miss… mostly miss. Although I do recall knocking it out of the goddamn park doing a scene from Gia, where I tell my lesbian ex-girlfriend I am dying of AIDS. I cried more during those ten minutes than I did when my grandma died. (Don’t judge me; she was something between a b-word and a c-word and gave all my inheritance away to my cousin. Thanks, G-ma!).

Click here to read more.

 

Standard

“Janice Alida: From Nada to Prada” on The Style Con

Screen-shot-2014-03-10-at-11.34.46-AMThe following is an excerpt from my piece “Janice Alida: From Nada to Prada” as seen on The Style Con:

Canadian model Janice Alida arrived on the scene in 2011 with a solemn stare and a serious pout, the type of face that reminds me of someone’s sad suburban wife, waiting at home for a dude who never answers his phone when he’s on “work trips.” (Alida is, in fact, married, and though I don’t know the details, let’s just assume happily.) Porcelain skinned and blue eyed, Janice was rocking that monochromatic, dishwater look my LA agency gamely stripped me of ten years ago because they didn’t know what they were doing. “Go brunette,” they demanded. “You’ll look more editorial” – which would have been great if I were actually living in a city where you could book Vogue shoots. The type of modeling gigs you get in LA are more along the lines of dancing around a beach in a pink latex bikini singing “Don’t you want a Fanta? Fanta?” Think cheesy. Think lucrative. Think anti-fashion bullshit.*

Click here to read more.

 

Standard

Another Oscar Recap That You, Like, Totally Should Read

ellen-oscar-selfie

The following is an excerpt from my piece “Another Oscar Recap That You, Like, Totally Should Read” as seen on The Style Con:

Last night all of America gathered around their flat-screen televisions to participate in that age-old pastime, the Oscars. Yes, it’s a night of glitz and glamour, jewels and gowns. It’s the ultimate opportunity for Hollywood’s elite to twirl on the red carpet, wave at scary fans, relish in the fact they’ve made it — out of all the hundreds of thousands of delusional, striving, starving actors who come to Los Angeles with ten dollars in their pocket and a creepy uncle back home, they’ve beat the odds. And what do we do? Tear them down while stuffing our faces with homemade nachos and various carbs those bitches ain’t had for WEEKS. It’s an evening where we, the unfamous plebeians of the world, can shout our shamefully judgmental and wholly inconsequential commentary from the sidelines. Like it matters.

Click here to read more.

Standard

“All About That Model LYF: June 2010” on The Style Con

muirmodelsThe following is an excerpt from my piece “All About That Model LYF: January 2010” as seen on The Style Con:

The job is in a department store. When I get the call sheet I know it will involve rich people drinking cocktails and me standing on a wooden box wearing clothes I cannot afford. Yet. Clothes I cannot afford, yet. I tell myself I will one day be able to justify the purchase of Saint Laurent and Prada even though I have witnessed firsthand what a ridiculous thing said pursuit is. “Pretty clothes. Empty souls.” A friend once told me that.

Click here to read more:

Standard

“Mirian Haney: From Nada to Prada” on The Style Con

Screen-shot-2014-02-24-at-10.37.01-AM

 

The following is an excerpt from my piece “Mirian Haney: From Nada to Prada” on The Style Con:

Sign of the times? California newcomer Miriam Haney started out in late 2013 already beating the industry at its own game, arriving freshly shorn, all bangs and no baggage – just how I like ‘em. Six months later, she’s growing that shit out. Nada to Prada-ing in reverse, as it were. Which begs the question: Is short hair over?

Click here to read more.

Standard

“A Suicidal Single Fashion Girl Valentine’s Day!” on The Style Con

hole

The following is my piece “A Suicidal Single Fashion Girl Valentine’s Day!” as seen on The Style Con:

Valentine’s Day. I hate it just as much as you do. You, that lonely dejected person reading this sentence through tears, staring at the glowing surface of your MacBook Pro while a damp film blurs your vision, your whole world a runny painting of absolute sadness. You, that depressed sack who sobs at the sight of heart-shaped boxes filled with cheap American chocolate wrapped in waxed paper. You, who cringe at the sight of hand-holders, bristle at love songs, long for an end. Singular. Lonely. You.

Click here to read more.

Standard

“NYFW: A Guide for Creepy Pervs” on The Style Con

Image

The following is an excerpt from my piece “NYFW: A Guide for Creepy Pervs” as seen on The Style Con:

It’s New York Fashion Week casting season and you know what that means! Time to break up with that girl you’ve been dating! There’s no place quite like New York to live in the perpetual quest of the Bigger Better Deal, and no better time to capitalize on that dick-driven delusion quite like NYFW. Yes, this is a magical time in a magical place. On any given Sunday there is always someone richer, hotter, and younger than what you’ve currently got welded onto your ankle, chaffing your skin and annoying the shit out of you. NYFW, with its parade of 100-pound baby aliens, will make you regret every vaguely old, not entirely pretty chick you’ve liked over the last ten years, sending you weeping into your pillow at night over years of low standards. Love really is a beast of burden, especially when you’re trying to prove to all your dude friends that you’re the man in the Bang Department. That’s right. Bang Department.

Click here to read more.

Standard

“Gracie Van Gastel: From Nada to Prada” on The Style Con

Image

The following is an excerpt from my piece “Gracie Van Gastel: From Nada to Prada” as seen on The Style Con:

In modeling, there are some girls who just start out getting it. Even in the most horribly lit,over-styled, makeup-caked test shoot taken in the bowels of some photo studio in the middle of anti-fashion hell, they manage to shine through against all odds, communicate their, I don’t know, model aura or something. I’ve seen these girls operate in real-time, and, say what you will about the talent required to model, it’s something to behold. These girls are the unicorns, the girls who, at ages as young as 14 years old, when most acne-riddled twerps are just freaking out about whether or not the shoes they wore to school were Popular Kid Approved, possess a transparency that took myself, as a model, over eight years to get, which, given the brevity of most modeling careers, is about seven years, eleven months, and thirteen days too long. But the unicorns… they’re the lucky ones. They’re like Harvard-bound dorks born understanding calculus. Only, you know, these are fashion babes destined for Vogue.

Standard