It’s that time of year again – time to reflect on all of the awesome things we’ve achieved and all of the things we have managed to awesomely not achieve over the course of the last 365 days. It was an epic year: I moved twice, quit going to the gym, gave up gluten, realized that was stupid and started eating gluten again, made some cash, wrote some blogs, and here I am, sitting at some flat writing surface located in one of the many corners of my humble abode, contemplating how I will spend the next year. I’m done with goals. I’m just going to be open and let things happen. Do what I want to do. Feel flows, at the Beach Boys once said. But the culmination of a year is never complete without a good “Fuck It List” – though, admittedly, this one is my first. I suggest you all come up with your own. If you want, send it to me. Whatever. Fuck it.
1. Bucket Lists
Fuck your bucket list. Bucket lists are for people who think about dying, and, well, who the hell wants to think about dying all day long. That and I’m immortal; I don’t need a bucket list.
Including, but not limited to: failure, flying, dying, clowns, dogs, slipping in the shower, food poisoning, grisly car crashes, the apocalypse, Kim Jong-Il, getting in trouble, beef tartar (though I’m still not going to eating it ever again), my New York City living expenses, what the insane amounts of coffee I consume on a daily basis is doing to my heart, what the insane amounts of alcohol my friends consume on a daily basis is doing to their livers, taxi drivers, plant-based estrogens, small movie theaters, bedbugs, and the thought I might ever have to move back to Los Angeles.
3. Justifying my love of Justin Bieber
Y’all can keep on sippin’ that haterade.
4. Girlfriends of Ex-Boyfriends
I would like to say that this means I am going to get rid of my blog(s), Facebook account, Twitter account, and, yes, the Myspace account that is still buried deep in some cobwebbed corner of the virtual universe but I doubt that is going to happen anytime soon. The problem is I like words, and the more words stumble out of my fingertips the better I feel. So, in that way, in 2011 I will continue to be transparent, and I apologize.
In my real life I will attempt to be more mysterious, though now the cat’s out of the bag on that one. Ah, well, fuck non-transparency. The world is but a stage. Look at me! I SAID FUCKING LOOK AT ME!!!
5. The News
CNN, MSNBC, FOX News and whatever other depressing bullshit is out there turning this country into one boringly polarized nation can suck my you-know-what. I’m sticking with The Daily Show from here on out
6. Long distance Relationships
Before getting into one I consulted a friend who was a few months deep into his very own LDR. “Make sure it’s worth it,” was the general gist, followed by something like, “It’s really fucking difficult.” After my own experience with the beast, I have two words for all of you contemplating the same: Fuck it.