The following is an excerpt from my piece “Hey, Christina Aguilera. Say Something Else,” as seen on Lady Clever:
I keep waiting for the tears to come. Computer in lap, radiating my ovaries so that I one day produce children with three legs, I stand at the ready, prepared for the flood. “Heartbreaking!” Huffington Post warned me. “Cry!” commanded MTV. Even a friend whom I generally consider a human being of good taste and intelligence reported that it rendered her to tears. But here I am, weeping held at firmly bay, like a heartless, unmoving, emotionally blunted rock.
Xtina, you will have none of me.