Field Trip: “How Stella (Schnabel) Lost Her Groove

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The following is an excerpt from my piece “How Stella (Schnabel) Lost Her Groove” as featured on The Style Con:

“Burn the rich.”

That was my friend’s response to a recent video I forwarded her (accompanied by my email subject header “WTF I DO NOT UNDERSTAND”) of Stella Schnabel, daughter of multi-millionaire multi-hyphenate art man Julian Schnabel, dancing half-naked against a green wall, shot by another downtown darling in her own right, photographer Rachel Chandler. It had all the elements of everything I hate: white girl dance hall vibes, bad lingerie, and wealth masquerading at creativity. I wrote my editors, prepared to rip this sucker – and everyone involved – a new one. Rich bitches, feel my wrath!

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Field Trip: “An Open Letter to Jennifer Lawrence’s Head” on The Style Con

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The following is an excerpt from “An Open Letter to Jennifer Lawrence’s Head,” now on The Style Con. 

It started slowly, a snip here, a snip there. Beachy blonde waves crept northward into pseudo-bob territory, gradually, insidiously, sneakily acclimating you to change. “Nothing to see here, people,” it said. “Move along.” And so we did, without question or criticism, distrust or suspicion. Until all of a sudden — BAM! — it’s all Rosemary’s goddamn Baby in this piece!

Jennifer Lawrence, what did you do?!

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Field Trip: “Getting High with Sky Ferreira” on The Style Con

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The following is an excerpt from my recent article, “Getting High with Sky Ferreira,” currently seen on The Style Con:

World loves a junkie. Keith Richards, Cat Marnell, Robert Downey Jr., ‘90s Drew Barrymore — these were addicts whose drug abuse quickly defined them, fueled their interviews (Barrymore’s infamous David Letterman table dance), secured book deals (Marnell’s $500k Simon & Schuster advance), and provided endless fodder for tabloids (Downey Jr. flying down the PCH—naked, on drugs, in a Porsche).  If they could smoke it, shoot it, snort it, they did, and we sat there on the sidelines, watching feverishly from the padded walls of our work cubicles while someone else played Russian roulette with their life.

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Field Trip: “Inappropriate Halloween Costumes 101” on Lady Clever

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The following is an excerpt from my recent piece, “Inappropriate Halloween Costumes 101,” currently on Lady Clever.

It could just be the widespread integration of social media into our society (and people’s stubborn refusal to censor themselves accordingly), but 2013 seems to have been the year of Most Offensive Halloween Costumes Ever. Yes, it was the first time I actually craved (for the sake of others, of course) the safety of pre-packaged nylon Halloween gear, ensuring that, while wholly uncreative and lacking in originality, the world’s idiots were safeguarded from being correctly perceived as insensitive, racist, or just plain stupid.

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Field Trip: “The Bathroom Attendant” on Harry’s Five O’Clock Magazine

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The following is an excerpt from the recent column in our regularly recurring column, “The Bathroom Attendant,” as featured on Harry’s Five O’Clock Magazine.

While the guest quarters of Los Angeles’ most iconic hotel adhere to a strict “less is more” policy, the same cannot be said of their lobby bathrooms. They forgo the miminal charm you’ll find upstairs for decor that’s slick as a pair of leather pants. (It’s a rockstar-friendly spot, after all). Done up in French country style, the bathroom features Rococo wallpaper, a hanging chandelier, and white lacquer doors so shiny you won’t need a mirror. Did we mention the fancy hand towels? They have very fancy hand towels. 

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Field Trip: Lady Gaga’s artRave in NYC on The Style Con

Inez_and_Vinoodh_gaga-binary-chair2-IIHIHThe following is an excerpt from my piece on Lady Gaga’s recent “artRave” in NYC, as seen on The Style Con:

I have no idea what to look at. Music pumps through super premium speakers while hot air begins to fill the sprawling expanse of a polished Brooklyn warehouse. White walls bask in the pink and purple glow of overhead lights. Drag queens with half-shaved heads doBeyonce-esque hair-whips, balancing on bloated versions of women’s heels. There’s a white sculpture, a blue sculpture, a gold one, too, shiny like Christmas candy wrappers and adorned with fake flowers. High above, screens alternate between a real-time aggregator of social media content – Tweets about #artRAVE and #ARTPOP, selfies of people smiling in the foreground of their dull, badly lit bedrooms – and bold graphic typeface announcing the people of the hour, GAGA and KOONS.

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Field Trip: Clare Rojas Interview on VMAN

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The following is an excerpt from my interview with Clare Rojas for VMAN:

After nearly a decade since her last New York show and a multi-year hiatus from painting, San Francisco-based artist Clare Rojas officially returned to the scene last night (Sunday, November 11th), with the help of Vladimir Restoin Roitfeld, for an “untitled exhibition” of over thirty new works. The welcome was a warm one.

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Field Trip: “No Puffy Coats in Paris… absolutment pas” on #Medium

 

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The following is an excerpt from my recent piece “No Puffy Coats in Paris… absolutment pas” for the Man Repeller’s contest on Medium. Click through to read the rest (and don’t forget to recommend it to Medium!)

In an old notebook somewhere there are crude sketches of the outfits I would wear. A vintage red skirt I had shortened back in LA, a lace Phi top I bought at a sample sale, one pair of black boots to wear over and over and over again. I wanted to make sure I got it right, that I could impress this person who had been featured on The Sartorialist, this man who traveled the world buying beautiful clothes, surrounded by beautiful women. I wanted him to be able to look at me and think, “That’s my girl. That’s my girl right there.” I had to get it right.

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Field Trip: “A Boy. A Beard. A Blurb.” on Harry’s Five O’Clock Mag

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The following is an excerpt from the latest installment of my  “A Boy. A Beard. A Blurb.” column on Harry’s Five O’Clock Magazine:

Expectations for Suleiman the Magnificent (1494-1566), Sultan of the Ottoman Empire for 46 epic years, were crushingly high from the start. Born a “child of destiny,” his success had been foretold by the stars. Not wanting to screw anything up, Suleiman’s family expertly groomed him (not a shaving joke) for the whole ruler thing from the onset. He attended the finest insitutions and would go on to speak five languages.

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Field Trip: “Kel Markey: From Nada to Prada” on The Style Con

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The following is an excerpt from my piece “Kel Markey: From Nada to Prada” on The Style Con:

In our ongoing series, From Nada to Prada, we explore the transformative power of a hair switcheroo, as seen in the competitive world of Model Land, where an agency-mandated bang cut or a bleach job can make the difference between booking a Prada campaign or slaving away in the gray ether of e-commerce for the rest of your livelong days.

Today, we bring you a vintage success story, further demonstrating the long-term consequences of an excellent (or not so excellent) cut. So the next time your hairdresser fucks up your shit, you may hold up this article as evidence while you scream something like “You just cost me a Versace campaign, goddamnit!” Yes, whether you’re Giselle Bundchen or Gertrude Lewis, CPA, it’s a big deal. You have license to scream. You’re welcome.

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