Oh, children, my darlings

[I don’t recommend watching all of this video.  The first five seconds will give you the general gist.]

A few months ago, back when the weather was warm and I still lived walking distance from a gym that didn’t smell like sweaty Polish people, I watched (and subsequently wrote about) a band (?) by the name of Never Shout Never, led by a young man who has now grown into a cross between Justin Bieber and Carrot Top over the course of the summer.  (PS – WTF?!)

Here is the link to that piece.


By some peculiar act of pop culture god, my blog is one of the first things that pops up when you Google his name and, thusly, teenagers by the hundreds are directed towards this site…which is great because that is, like, totally my target market, right?  RIGHT?!

Well, it’s obvious that these kids just don’t understand my humor or friendly dislike of fucking tragically awful music that reminds me of Dashboard Confessional and the days when I worked as an intern nursing my papercuts and stuffing envelopes with press kits for Vagrant Records.  Oh, the emo horrors!

Since said post, I have received some pretty awesome not-fan-mail as a result, filled of typos and email names including creative spellings of “hearts” and “stars” and two-digit numbers starting with 9, which one can only assume means they were born in the nineties.  If this means I’m old, so fucking be it.  Anything to not be in high school right now and think this is good music.

Whoa, man.  KKK?  But are you saying if I did attend a KKK rally, it’d still be okay to hate on Never Shout Never?  I’m confused.

I remember when I was a headstrong, hormone-ravaged teenager.  I thought I knew everything, was mad fucking cool, could dress myself well (ah hahahahahahaha), and my mom definitely in no way knew what was best for me.  311 rocked my world.  I went to KROQ concerts.  Enimem held a special place in my heart.  I kept a picture of me, Dr. Dre, and my friend Allie on my bedside table.  Bloody hell, I even had a Limp Bizkit poster in my bedroom.  And…AND…to top it off…I’m going to hate to admit this…I even used a Limp Bizkit lyrical stanza (?) as my high school senior year quote.  Yeah, go on.  Laugh.  Laugh reaaaallll hard.  That’s it.  Giggle a little bit on the come down.

So I guess what I’m trying to say here, while outing myself as someone who used to be really awesome I mean lame, is just mellow your yellow kids.  Accept the fact that while you think Never Shout Never is like, the best band in the universe, and its lead singer is sooooo dreamy, just know that one day you will look back at this time and laugh at yourself for being so foolhardy.  You’ll laugh and laugh and if you’re lucky, maybe you’ll get to write a blog about just how bad your taste really was.  Cheers, you little fuckers!

With love,


Oh, and these too are prettttyyyy awesome.


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